Paul & Sarah

I'm feeling pretty good all things considered. I get tired more easily, but I'm not exhausted all the time. I get hungry really quick, and if I don't eat really soon after that I get pretty nauseous. Other that that and brushing my teeth in the morning, I don't have much nausea. My boobs still hurt, but not as bad as they did. Seatbelts still suck tho. I bought three new sports bras this week and they've been wonderful.

I've got lots of random pulls and twinges in the nether regions. And a fair amount of gas pain. But my books say that pains that last less than four hours are normal, and lots of pulls and twinges are normal now too. My books have been reassuring already.

The insulin thing is going OK too, I guess. This week was hard with all the pies and stuffing and potatoes and whatnot. I'm trying to be good (moderate) and I think I'm doing an OK job. I'm taking my sugar at least three times a day and taking my insulin twice a day like scheduled. The blood pressure cuff I ordered should be here this week, so I'll start taking my blood pressure daily too.

On Wednesday I'll be wanting to talk to Dr. Schwartz about a lot of things:

1) What (if anything) can I use for a shampoo to help my psoriasis? My scalp is getting really bad already.
2) I'll be turning in my first page of blood glucose readings for review.
3) I'm going to ask if they can adjust my insulin prescription. My current prescription is 1.5 vials a month and my insurance won't let me have the 2nd vial because it would be more than 30 days' worth of insulin. (Yes, it's very stupid and I plan on calling them tomorrow.)

So, I think I've survived Thanksgiving. My thoughts are turning firmly to Christmas now. I'm really hoping that Paul and I can get the new Christmas Tree up on Wednesday after the ultrasound appointment. (which, btw CANNOT get here fast enough for either of us!)

I'm not really thinking of this year as “baby's first Christmas” but the novelty of it is there for me. Part of me thinks that's ridiculous, part of me doesn't care.

But OMG, how cute will it be to have a 6 month old at Christmas next year? Can you say adorable baby outfits? I might even attempt that stupid baby-in-the-stocking thing.

I woke up sweating, thirsty and with a mighty need to pee.

I'm finding it interesting as I drink cold watered-down tea that I'm strongly considering throwing up. I haven't thrown up yet. But maybe drinking too much, too fast in the middle of the night will do it?

Hope not. I'd like to be one of those annoying people who never actually throws up.

I cannot wait until Wednesday. My second OB appointment is at 2:00. Paul has the day off so he can come with me and see the ultrasound.

I'm excited, and scared. I can't help but think there's gonna be something wrong. Or that there just won't be anything there. This still seems kinda unreal. Hell, a lot unreal. I think it won't be 100% real for Paul until he sees something on a screen too. And it won't be 100% real for me until it's real for Paul.

Mostly I'm excited and scared.

So Paul and I have decided to wait until at least after the ultrasound on Wednesday to make any general announcement.

We're still looking to get a hold of Cassie to tell her, but after Cassie is told, we're not gonna be telling anyone else for a bit.

A little superstition, a little bit just wanting to keep it close while we can.

So yesterday went really really well. I managed to get through the day pretty well. I was freaking exhausted at the end of the day, but honestly I think I made it through better than I have in years past.

Paul took advantage of a lull before the turkey was done and the ovens were full to make the announcement. He got all choked up. I think he was as surprised as me that he got so emotional. He turned off the TV and we got everyone's attention. He put his arm around me and managed to say “This summer you're going to become grandparents and great grandparents.” The next 5 minutes were all hugs and tears. Paul went and got kleenex while I gave more details of dates and the OB I'm seeing and whatnot. Everyone was pretty tickled.

And then, things went back to normal. I went back to tending the turkey and stuffing and whatnot. Dinner was served around 5:45, making my 5:00-6:00 window right on the money. The meal came off without a hitch (well, except for a last-minute table-setting issue) and we all sat around stuffing ourselves. My sweet potatoes were a hit. Well, everything was. I did good.

I started up the dishwasher with all the silverware once we were finished so that we'd have something to eat pie with. Paul ended up doing the rest of the dishes later and putting away most of the food. I deboned the turkey and such before I passed out.

Tom & Jeanne left with Nonny & pie a little after 8:00. Sibyana and Cheri hung around until after 9:00, enjoying pie and talking. I hope I was still making sense at that point – I just remember everything being kinda fuzzy around the edges. I sat on the couch and swayed for a while and then somehow stumbled into bed. I slept like the dead, but I feel pretty good today.

Wow, today was a long but good day. Dad and Grandma got here around noon. We hung out and chatted while I cleaned up the kitchen clutter and started making pies. I made three pies while Oin and Paul played Left 4 Dead 2 and Dad and Grandma watched and napped. I made cranberry sauce and two jello salads too before we left for pizza at Metro.

We talked a fair bit about insulin and whatnot, but neither Dad or Grandma seem concerned that I'm now on insulin with no explanation.

I'm looking forward to telling everyone tomorrow. Not sure exactly how we're gonna do it. Hafta talk to Paul after we go to bed. But it will be great for family to know.

I'm sure I'll sleep like the dead tonight, but I'm feeling surprisingly good. I got really hungry a couple of time today, but I took breaks and had small snacks. No worries.

Here's hoping I hold up as well tomorrow. :)

Woke up 2 hours after going to bed. Had to pee and am feeling overheated and generally urky. Why do I think this statement could be said every night for the next several weeks?

I'm not complaining really… but it's hard not to be a little concerned about feeling crappy. I have this conversation with myself about whether what I'm feeling is an expected pregnancy symptom or if it's a diabetes thing, or if it's *something else* which is invariably bad. I assume stuff is pregnancy related and then I just kinda let it happen – this too shall pass.

le sigh. So I've got my cold beverage. I'm gonna go get some fresh (41 degree) air and then go lay back down, now that I've convinced Paul to come to bed. (He says he's cool and happy, but he keeps not coming to bed until the middle of the night, and then not really sleeping. I'm thinking this is an indicator of his true mental state. hrm.)

So, Oin's here. I feel bad for hiding it from him. I came right out and told him that I'm on insulin – and the reason I gave isn't exactly a lie. “My medical situation has changed, so I'm on insulin now.” Technically I'm not lying.

Got a little weird that I totally refused a drink when we went to a pub for a little nosh tho. Ah well, I played it off OK.

When is Thursday gonna get here? Not that I want this week to be over, but I want to tell our family!

I read the whole “Pregnancy Instruction Manual” last night before bed. I assume that's why I dreamed about being pregnant all night. I dreamed I felt the baby kick, and then I dreamed that I lost the baby.

I'm trying to ignore all the little pains from the nether regions, but it's really hard not to be paranoid. Paul and I talked more about the baby yesterday than we had so far, and a lot of that centered on facts and figures about miscarriage risks. Add to that the fact that we're in the “dangerous” 4-week stage of the bub being an embryo…. I feel like I just wanna wrap my whole body in bubble wrap and tuck myself into a closet for safekeeping for 4 weeks.

On the bright side, we told Lisa and Mike yesterday. I was holding off telling them so that we could tell family first on Thanksgiving. But Paul convinced me that there was no need to wait, and he knew how much I wanted to tell my best friend. They're happy for us, of course. It was so nice to talk to Lisa about this – she knows my mind and heart so well. So she really gets why this has thrown me for a loop like it has. It was really neat to tell someone tho.