Author Archives: Sarah

Roller Coaster (36w3d)

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Poor Paul. I’m having a rough week, so he’s having a rough week.

I assume it’s the pregnancy hormones that are responsible for this. But I’m crying at the drop of a hat. Not at Hallmark commercials or anything (although I did cry at the end of Deadliest Catch this evening.) I just am feeling overwhelmed with the enormity of the changes that are coming towards us. It’s making me cry, a lot, and I don’t like it.

I know Paul and I will be good parents. It’s not that. I know we can care for this baby. I know we’ll be able to handle the upcoming sleepless nights. I know we’ll find a stride with eating, sleeping, & pooping ad nauseum. We’ll get the hang of swaddling. We have diapers (cloth and disposable in newborn sizes) and clothes and dinners for us in our freezer. We’re as ready as we can be on that front.

It’s just…. there’s a lot riding on me these days. My physical endurance and ability to hold my proverbial shit together for another couple of days makes a huge difference in how the first days and weeks of my child’s life will go. My ability to breastfeed him will make a huge difference in his first hours/days/months, and in our finances for the foreseeable future. (The thought of paying for formula strikes fear into my heart – let alone the fact that I don’t want to give my baby formula to begin with.) I’m pushing myself to put up full-time hours at work to keep from burning my paid leave, to keep earning paid leave & benefits at a full-time rate, and to keep bringing home full-time checks. We’re doing OK financially, but not as OK as we were. This was known and expected, it’s just hard to feel the creeping slide. The buck literally and figuratively stops with me in my personal and professional life and I’m feeling the pressure of it more acutely than usual.

I’m a planner. I’m a do-er. Everyone turns to me because I’m usually right, and I do things very well. And for the most part, this works for me. I’m an overbearing bitch by default, so my take-charge attitude serves me well for the most part. But the flip side to this means that I’m lousy at “letting go” and letting other people do things. I’m used to making sure stuff gets done. So these last few weeks of being told to stop doing so much and let others do things and “go with the flow” and “just let it happen” has been making me crazy. For some people, this sounds like a vacation. For me? It’s akin to torture. (Yes, I’m sure this is indicative of some sort of trust issues that I need to work through or something.) But knowing that I’m in control of very little about my body and my mind these days is a very bitter pill for someone like me to swallow. Knowing that come Sunday evening, I will have no control over anything, that I’ll be at the mercy of IVs and Drugs and Doctors.

And then the wild and amazing world of parenthood awaits. I’m happy and excited to be riding this particular roller coaster with Paul at my side… but it’s like that coaster that you *know* you wanted to ride, and everyone says is TEH BEST THING EVAR – but it doesn’t make you question your sanity for wanting to ride it any less as you clank-clank-clank up that first huge hill, and it doesn’t make it any less scary as you tip over the top and all you can see is sky before the track comes up at you again and you’re off on the most thrilling, exciting ride you’ve ever taken.

Paul and I stood in line for a long-ass time to get on this ride. But this first hill is a doozy, and I’m freaking out a little bit. So pardon me if I scream on the way down. I’m sure I’ll be laughing by the first turn – but until then, the anticipation of what’s over that first hill is a little scary.

Amniocentesis FAIL (36w2d)

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So my fluid was at an all-time low of 4.5 today, and even with Dr. Schwartz’s Jedi-like skills, the amniocentesis couldn’t be completed today. There was one tiny (1.2cm) pocket he was aiming for, but the kid kept putting his arm there when Dr. Schwartz got close with the needle. Paul watched on the monitor as they tried and tried to get into the pocket they were aiming at.

I got jabbed twice though. Not as bad as I thought it would be at all. The pressure was the worst part – until the contractions started. (It’s two hours later and they’re still happening…) It wasn’t pleasant by any means, but I’m not shaking in my boots at the prospect of another one.

So the plan is to wait another week. Since we can’t absolutely confirm that the little guy’s lungs are mature enough to be on the outside, we hang out. I’m still doing OK enough (surprisingly) that we have time before things get to a crisis point. So we’ll continue monitoring me this week, and on Friday I’ll be checked by one of the other doctors in the office. If he sees a big pocket of fluid, they’ll probably go ahead and attempt an amnio – but if not, it’s not a problem. I’m scheduled to arrive at the hospital at 7:30 on Sunday evening to start the induction. Dr. Schwartz will come straight from the airport on Monday morning to check on me, and we’ll take it from there. (Friday’s potential amnio would only be to tell us something wasn’t right – not to give us the go-ahead to induce. The default now has been flipped to induce, as opposed to waiting for confirmation.)

We were pretty disappointed. Paul and I had worked this weekend to get ourselves to a good head space for having the kid today. We felt ready. (well, as ready as one can feel…) So it was a pretty big let down today, and Dr. Schwartz recognized that. But we agree with him that discretion is the better part of valor and to err on the side of caution is a much better way to go right now. Paul is concerned for me having to stick it out another week, but I’m fine. Letting the little man have an extra week is all to the good for him, and I can put up with basically anything for another 6 days.

I’ll be going in to start the induction process at 7:30 on Sunday June 27. It’s entirely possible that the whole process will take 2-3 days. Paul’s birthday is Wednesday the 30th. Could be fun if his son shares his birthday. (Considering Paul was born on his parent’s 3rd anniversary.)

For now though, we’re finally back home. The appointment today was over three hours long with 30 minutes of monitoring before and after the amnio. We know what a contraction looks like on the monitor now! I’m dead on my feet and in a fair amount of pain in my upper-mid back and from the continuing contractions, so I’m gonna lay down for a nap. I’ll be working the rest of this week, so I will be staying busy between monitoring appointments on Wednesday and Friday afternoons.

Sorry for the big build up to nothing, folks.

Cleared for the Weekend, take II (35w6d)

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Wow. Possibly our last kid-free weekend. EVER. This is kinda hitting me all right now.

Today’s monitoring was pretty routine. The office was INSANE busy, but they were kind enough to squeeze me in early as Paul’s cousin Mike came in for a surprise visit this morning. (My 2:30 appointment wouldn’t have worked so well today.) My fluid was up to 7.4 – which is still crappy, but better than it has been in over a week; so maybe forcing fluids is helping the teeniest bit? Baby showed off his breathing skills and happily kicked at the monitor, so he didn’t have to get buzzed today. (He was doing some serious headspins on my bladder while I was on the monitor though – I actually thought I was gonna wet my pants at one point!!) My BP was not so hot though, 147/97 and 165/103. They took more blood to run my PIH levels, but since I’m scheduled for the amniocentesis on Monday they didn’t feel the need to get uppity about the BP.

So we’re in the clear for Monday morning. No change to the usual routine for this weekend – stay off my feet as much as I can (ha!) and force fluids. The better my fluid is on Monday, the easier it is for Dr. Schwartz to do the amnio. He says he likes a challenge, but I’d prefer that my son not get poked if possible. :)

This weekend…. I dunno. Paul and I still need to pack our hospital bags (I just *hate* packing for anything…) but other than that we’re pretty good. Oh, I need to prep/boil the premie-sized prefolds that Kelly sent us. I’ll boil the hell outta them and then throw them in the wash with the other infant-sized prefolds to make a full load. (At least the half-dozen premie PFs will easily fit into my regular stock pot!) I’m hoping Paul and I can spend some “quality” time together – not that we haven’t been enjoying our time together anyway. But maybe just spend some time together where we’re not running any errands or putting something together – no agenda. Gonna be a long time before we have the opportunity again, methinks.

Paul’s cousin Mike is out for a visit, so Sunday (Father’s Day) will be spent at Paul’s parent’s place. I’m writing this from their patio on Friday evening actually. Paul is on his laptop, Jeanne’s on her iPad and Mike is doing his insane-O workout routine for our comedy enjoyment. The dogs are happily racing around our feet and the breeze is blowing. Ya know, adding a baby to this mix isn’t gonna be a problem at all. :)

Holding Pattern & Why I LOVE Dr. Schwartz (35w4d)

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Fairly boring appointment today. Did the test for Group B Strep, the results of which should be back on Friday. (Most people carry Group B Strep on them with no worries, but if I’m currently carrying it, the baby can get REAL sick if exposed to it during a vaginal birth. Two doses of antibiotics via IV during labor will take care of it if I am positive.)

Amniotic fluid was back up to a 6 today, so that’s good. Little man was happy to show us how well he practices breathing, and had fun kicking the ultrasound transducer. Monitoring was the same as usual, requiring the buzzer to get things going. But once he woke up, he proceeded to kick the contraction monitor pad for about 5 minutes. His heartrate did a scary little deceleration thing a couple of times, but he bounced back quickly – so that’s OK.

Blood pressure was mixed: 164/97. So it was higher than it has been, but the diastolic was under 100, which is good. Dr. Schwartz said he was OK with my BP today, so yay.

Paul and I chatted with Dr. Schwartz about the plans for the rest of this week and next. (We also talked about developing an iPhone app vs a fee-for-service website…) But once we got home, Paul was explaining to his Dad what my status is and kinda had it all wrong. We talked, but Paul was still pretty convinced that he had it right and that the induction wasn’t happening unless it was an absolute emergency. So I e-mailed Dr. Schwartz. Below is the actual e-mail conversation (along with an explanation of what’s up for the next 5 days):

On Jun 16, 2010, at 8:10 PM, Sarah wrote:

Sorry to bug you, but Paul and I seem to have heard completely different things at today’s appointment and I’m hoping you can clear things up.

I’m under the impression that barring any significant change to my condition, you’ll do a Jedi-worthy amniocentesis on Monday morning which will confirm binary-style whether the little man’s lungs have matured enough to be on the outside. If the test comes back with a yes, you’ll have me report to the hospital Monday evening to start the induction. If the amnio comes back saying baby’s lungs aren’t mature yet, we’ll hang out and do another amnio a week later to check lung maturity then.

Paul is under the impression that I’m not being induced until the situation becomes an emergency, and that Monday’s scheduled amnio is just to give us an idea if the baby could handle being outside the womb when that crisis time comes, whenever that is.

So, who’s got it right?

Sarah
——-
Hi,

As is probably the case in any disagreements that you and Paul might have, YOU heard correctly and Paul is wrong. Please feel free to refer Paul to this email throughout the rest of your life.

JKS

Sent from my iPhone

I LOVE my OB so freaking much. So we’re just hanging out for monitoring on Friday and then the amniocentesis on Monday morning. We’ll have results that afternoon, and either we’ll be at the hospital that evening, or we won’t.

Updating from home… (35w3d)

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I was totally expecting to get sent to the hospital today, but I got sent back home! Yay!

Dr. Schwartz re-did the fluid check and is confident he saw 5.5-6 worth of fluid in there. Heck, he even thinks there’s enough that he could do the amnio on Monday. He says he likes a challenge. My BP was fantastic today, with the diastolic under 90!! (I forget, it was 140-something/80-something.)

So I’m home now, gonna go take a nap. Monitoring and Group B Strep test tomorrow. We’ll see how it goes. I’ve got a monitoring appointment on Friday and the amnio scheduled for Monday morning.

Oh, and Dr. Schwartz obliged Paul while he was hunting for fluid and took some measurements. The little man is weighing in at just a tad over 5 pounds right now. Not sure about his length cuz the measurements were kinda all over the place, but the weight is a good estimate at least. Our little bag of sugar! :)