Random pains. Having random pains in the nether regions.

I don't know if I should be worried or not. We'll see if anything else happens tonight.

Either Paul was right to be cautious, or I'm gonna annoy the crap outta my OB before this is all done.

There's a little chant going on in the back of my mind all the time now. “You're pregnant. You're pregnant. You're pregnant.” Laid behind whatever I'm doing or thinking, it's there. Like a little news ticker, reminding me of what I already know.

I hope I don't get all paranoid. I'm noticing every little twinge – which I have a lot of, especially in the gut and ladybits. But now every little pain, every little everything makes me pause for a second and think twice. It's like I've always got one ear cocked to my body – listening for any changes or signals.

I guess a downside to knowing that I'm not that far along is that sense of assurance that things would be OK isn't there anymore. I'm SO GLAD to know that the baby was only exposed to 3-5 weeks of my oral meds as opposed to 9-11 weeks. But that also means that we're still in very early days. And there's big part of me right now that wants to think that this isn't gonna work out – that is just *can't* be this easy to accidentally fall pregnant.

But in the meantime, while I'm troubleshooting the video conference system, or fixing my lunch, or sorting timesheets for payroll… there's that little news crawl: “You're pregnant… you're pregnant… you're pregnant.”

A couple of people know already. Paul and I each had one co-worker we had to tell because it would kill us not to, and they'd figure it out anyway. I told my boss yesterday because I felt bad lying to him about all the 'emergency' doctor appointment this week.

London accidentally found out last night because I forgot to set my post to private. She commented and then txt'd me. I was SO grateful she did so I could go change it. I don't think anyone else saw.

But I'm just bursting! I want to tell people. But at the same time, I don't want to. I want to hold onto this little secret Paul and I have, at least for a while longer. Let Paul get used to the idea. Let us share in it together. And, well… there's the whole “you don't tell anyone before the 1st trimester ends” part too. I can't help but be worried about that. Knowing what London went through, and what Jeremiah and Jamila went through.

But still. Part of me wants to sing it from the rooftops! I'm PREGNANT!!