Oh hai early afternoon exhaustion. I hadn't seen you for a few days, thought maybe you'd found somewhere else to go play.

Man. I could so totally lay my head down on my nice warm laptop and take a little nap. And I think I slept pretty good last night (she says while having a jaw-cracking, eye-watering yawn.)

oy.

I'm watching some “I didn't know I was pregnant” thing on TLC. Women who thought they were too old, or had been told they couldn't have kids. And ya know, I've always thought these kind of stories were total bunk – but I get it now. If I hadn't been looking for it, I would still be dismissing all the stuff I've felt. I'm hoping though, that I'm not like these women who had practically no symptoms for the whole pregnancy. I cannot wait to feel the little critter in there – and to have Paul feel it too.

Oh, and the heinous nausea has passed just as quickly as it came and I'm currently enjoying the hell outta my tuna sub. :) OM NOM!

This morning as I was getting ready to leave for work, I noticed that Cassie was online on Skype. She was actually at her computer and could talk for a bit. So I went in and woke up Paul and 10 minutes later we were standing in front of our Christmas tree, telling Cassie she was gonna be an aunt.

I’m assuming by the squeeing that she thinks it’s a good thing. Paul was beaming at being able to tell his little sister face to face. I’m so happy for him.

So that was our last hurdle. Now it’s just up to us when/who/where we wanna tell. Paul suggested this weekend that we do Christmas cards and put something in there – so that’s on my list for this week for sure.

But in the meantime, I plan on making use of a little drawing that Cowkitty made for us:

The vivid dreams that apparently go along with pregnancy are getting annoying. I feel like my brain is getting tossed in the dryer with a load of very colorful socks. My dreams are VERY fast paced, repetitive, and making me anxious. I'm not waking up feeling particularly rested at all. I hope this symptom passes.

I'm really itching to tell people. But we still feel like we can't, because we haven't been able to get a hold of Cassie. Paul really wants to tell her face to face, or at least not in a chat window. The 9-hour time difference to Belgium and her busy schedule has really made it very hard to get in touch with her. I'm worried for Paul. I can see how much it means to him to tell her in person, but I'm afraid her reaction is going to be underwhelming after all this build-up. I think that would crush Paul. She gets here on Wednesday this week (I think) but with his work schedule having him at work until at least 8:00 if not 11:00 every night this week, I don't think he'll be able to get together with her for several more days.

I'm feeling something I haven't felt in a long time, but I guess it shouldn't surprise me, really. When I was planning my wedding, it felt like no one wanted to hear about our plans – which is kinda a known thing. No one cares as much about your wedding as you do, naturally. And the same goes with the album afterwards, it's like pulling teeth to get anyone to let you show it to them. People think it's neat that you are getting/got married, but they don't really care past that.

I assumed that pregnancy would be different. Especially a first pregnancy. But really, with the exception of one or two people, I get the feeling that I need to be keeping quiet about all this so as not to annoy anyone. That no one cares that Paul and I are finally having a baby. Maybe it's because I'm posting here (which is first and foremost MY journal, to record the experience for me) but only two people have sought me out in the last two weeks to ask me how I'm doing. Meh. Maybe it will be different once more people know. Or maybe once I'm further along and there's more for Paul and I to do, I won't care anyway. I just kinda thought it would be a bigger deal to some people.

I guess I'm just melancholy today.