It occurs to me that all these posts are negative. I can't help it. I mean, shit. Dr. Foster today literally said “You had two positive pregnancy tests. All that is indicative of is that you had two positive pregnancy tests. It doesn't mean you're pregnant.”
We'll be happy and excited and giddy once someone FOR THE LOVE OF GOD confirms that I *am* pregnant.
Until then, we're just tense.
But I did take a prenatal vitamin from the samples they gave me today, just in case.
So today's appointment at the OB (Dr. Foster) was a train wreck. Three stabs and they couldn't get blood outta me. The doctor was a rude, arrogant jerk. He did a rather painful Pap on me while explaining that I was TOO LARGE for them to attempt to use their ultrasound equipment (which is apparently barely useful for anything but making sure a full-term baby is in there…) From the sound of what they told me today, they never do ultrasounds in-office other than to attempt to see the position of a full-term baby. Which seems asinine to me.
I was reduced to tears twice trying to get someone to understand that we just desperately want to know for sure that I am pregnant, and some indication of how far along I am, so we can come to terms with how long the fetus (embryo? dunno, depends on how far gone I am) was exposed to the Schedule C meds.
He did *directly* contradict what Dr. Wellborn told me about all my meds though. He said they keep women on all the drugs I was on throughout their pregnancies. So who knows, maybe I won't be on insulin after all.
He referred me to a Perinatalogist practice, but they're not going to be my regular OB? I don't quite understand, but they're gonna keep track of the diabetes + HBP pregnancy stuff, and Dr. Foster's office will keep track of the baby? I don't know. It took involving 4 nurse chicks and another doctor to figure out where I was being referred to and why.
So I have an appointment with Dr. Foster in 4 weeks, on December 16th. I have an appointment with the High-Risk group tomorrow at 1:30. I know that's not gonna go over well at work, but hopefully after this week I won't have a million appointments for a while.
I/we just want to know for sure. No one at these doctor's offices seems to understand that. How can they be so curt and blase about stuff like this, especially when they know it's our first time?
I hate medicine in Nevada.
Breakfast today was a souped-up vanilla slim fast. HFS, it tasted SO sweet. But I figure its got the right amount of carbs, plus the extra protein I add to it. AND, it's got a lot of vitamins and nutrients – so that's good since I haven't gone and gotten any pre-natals yet. I wanna see what the OB says today.
I was kinda urky this morning when I woke up, but my belly was upset last night so I tried not to worry about it. I had a little bit of panic last night – I had such horrible pain in my very low belly I thought for a minute that something must be wrong. But it was either a bad IBS attack or the leftover thai food not agreeing with me. Round 2 was this morning, but not nearly as bad. No major pains this time either.
I'm still seeing more color on the tissue when I wipe than I'd like. I'll be sure to ask the OB about that today. I should maybe make a list – or at least bring something to write on.
I'm anxious to confirm that things are progressing as they should. Talking with Paul last night was hard. I saw how upset he was getting, explaining why he can't let himself get excited about it yet. I was kind of assuming that things would be OK, but Paul seems convinced that I'm gonna lose the baby just because “we fail at this.” Hopefully today he'll get whatever information he needs to relax and just enjoy the fact that we're pregnant.
I *do* hope very much that they figure out that I'm more like 6 weeks along as opposed to 10-11 weeks.
Doctor's appointment was as expected. They took me off all oral meds except for the thyroid & HBP. Everything else I was taking was in the “C” Category for pregnancy. I take it that means “Not ideal, but not where we're recommending termination either.” Yes, I'm worried – but I'm trying not to dwell on it. What's done is done.
My hope is that with the ultrasound that (hopefully!) happens tomorrow they'll figure out that I'm not really ~10 weeks, I'm more like ~6 or so. The earlier the better.
But now I'm on insulin. 12 units of long-acting (Lantis) at night, and 1 unit per carb unit of very fast acting with meals. (so 3-4 units of Humalog with meals) There was a lot of stupidity at the pharmacy. The Humalog pens are STUPID expensive. $93 a month. And Dr. Wellborn was pretty candid that by the end of the pregnancy I'll be needing probably triple the dose. (her personal experience.) I'm not willing to pay up to $300 a month for the convenience of having a pen. I'll deal with needles and vials. Plus, the girls at the doctor's office put the wrong kind of needles on the scrip, so they were these huge IM needles instead of tiny sub-q insulin needles. Changes have been requested via fax and hopefully will be ready tomorrow.
I'm trying not to freak out about how much all these meds are costing. It probably works out to about what it was with all the pills – but still. I feel like we're hemorrhaging money in the last week for my medical stuff. I really should look into what the cut off is for declaring medical expenses on taxes.
Tomorrow is the appointment with the OB. Prolly the only time I'll see him. I need a referral to a high-risk OB. I just hope that I can convince them to turn on the ultrasound tomorrow so we can be sure of how far along I am. I've gotta have a firm due date before everyone gets here for Thanksgiving!
I am utterly useless. I'm surprised that I've gotten anything done at all today.
I keep wandering to pregnancy websites. I know that the ______ (baby? bean? peanut? pumpkin? bub?) is somewhere between the size of a sesame seed and a peanut. I'm concerned about these crucial first 8-10 weeks passing without my knowledge – I need to get on pre-natals with a bunch of folic acid NOW. I'm gonna go to Walmart and the bookstore after I get done at the doctor's office this afternoon.
I'm going to see my regular doctor this afternoon to discuss my current meds and figure out which ones are safe for me to take. I have the first appointment I could get with the OB/GYN practice that Dr. Wellborn's office recommends: Tuesday at 3:00. It's at their office on the San Martin Hospital Campus – but future appointments would be at the Henderson office location.
I'm seeing a male doctor. Don't know how I feel about that – but I'm more concerned right now with just getting in to see someone and confirming the pregnancy and finding out for sure how far along I am. I'll deal with changing doctors (if necessary) later.
Paul got his hours changed to 7-3 tomorrow, so he's gonna FLY from work to the appointment. I'm hoping that they're running late, and that the ultrasound part can happen towards the end. I'm sure they're used to this kind of stuff. More than anything I wanna hear/see a heartbeat tomorrow, and I want Paul there with me.
I'm nervous, scared, and getting happier. Every time I see my reflection now I think “there's two people there.”