Paul & Sarah

Boring appointment with my little jerk. :)

He refuses to cooperate with the nurses to give a decent ultrasound. They wanted to take more measurements today, but he wasn’t having any of it. They were finally able to check out his heart, but not as thoroughly as they’d like to. He just will.not.move into a position that gives them what they need. He likes to hide directly under *my* belly button. But our little guy is looking good, and is measuring only like 2 days ahead at this point – so that’s fantastic. He’s weighing in at 1lb 4oz. (Dr. Schwartz says his growth probably slowed down a touch because we have an even tighter grip on my blood sugars now.)

But my BP was good (for me) especially considering that I was in so much pain in my boobs this morning I was near tears. So a 138/84 was cause for celebration. (Dunno what the crazy breast pain is… but it’s tear-inducing. I was literally in tears on the drive over this morning. Heat seems to make it better, after a while. Dr. Schwartz says it’s basically normal, nothing can be done.)

I gained 6 pounds. So that’s two pounds a week since my last appointment where I was positive I’d gained 5 pounds and had only gained a half-pound; for 11 total in 24 weeks. I don’t know how I feel about that. Except that I’m saying at least one pound is in my swollen feet & ankles, and another pound in each of my boobs. Dr. Schwartz said not to be concerned about it when I emailed him this afternoon.

We talked about my swollen feet, ankles, and wrists. Dr. Schwartz checked the swelling (so glad I remembered to shave this morning) and pronounced that “Yes, you’re just one of those lucky ones who swells!” which isn’t great news, but sure beats “OMFG, you’re swelling to a crazy, worrisome extent!” He assures me that the carpal tunnel will go away once I pop this kid out.

We talked about my crazy dreams & nightmares. I have a really strong family history of depression, so I’m on the alert for PPD and am concerned that if my brainmeats are responding to pregnancy hormones in this way now, does that mean I’m more susceptible to PPD later? He doesn’t think this is a indicator, but he wants to keep a close eye on me and wants me to tell him if the timbre of my dreams changes to any darker than it is now. (For example, the corpses that I’m trying to hide of the people I’ve killed… I didn’t *see* myself kill them, I just know I did. If I start to actually see myself kill someone or want to kill someone…. Dr. Schwartz wants to know.) So I find it really reassuring that he’s taking this as seriously as I am. I’m willing to go on meds if he thinks it’s necessary, but for right now I just want my husband and OB on alert to help me be watching for changes.

Other than that, nothing to report. We got pics on a CD from the ultrasound, but I haven’t had a chance to look at them. Our little man looked at us several times, so I think we have a face shot or two.

Next appointment is in three weeks on April 14th, and then I’ll prolly go back to every 2 weeks. Non-stress tests will start between 32 and 34 weeks.

I have been terribly lucky to have a network of friends both IRL (in real life) and online to draw on for support and wisdom and reality checks during this crazy journey I’m on.

I’ve talked about my Fairytales girls before. They continue to be a source of immeasurable help and comfort to me – if for no other reason than I know there’s nothing I wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing with them after 11 years of friendship. I feel like I’ve got a gaggle of auntie-friends who have all been-there, done-that and have myriad points of view on any baby-related subject. They’ve done it all for baby-wearing, breast-feeding, pumping, co-sleeping, cloth-diapering, and every other non-crunchy-granola parenting task there is. Having a one-stop-shop for several opinions really is helpful as I try to figure out what I think and believe. I’m shocked to discover I have opinions on things I’ve never really thought about before. (Oh hey! I care about this!)

But then there’s Caroline and Kelly. Current and former co-workers, who also happen to be friends. They had their first babies (daughters) within two weeks of each other last October. Since that time, I have been blessed with their first-hand experiences of what works and what doesn’t – which differ from kid to kid, I’m seeing very clearly. They both have answered myriad emails about every subject you can think of since that little stick turned pink. I continue to pester them with “OMG, what about this?!?!?” stuff at all hours – although I hope I’ve been less bothersome as of late. And what’s great is that my middle-of-the-night emails aren’t middle of the night to Kelly who moved back to Philadelphia in January of 2008.

What I’ve really been blessed with recently though, is hand-me-downs. This month, Kelly sent two boxes (!) of clothes that her little one (K) has already outgrown. One box included a pair of overalls that still send me into paradoxical squeeing every time I see them. (Babies in overalls, does it get any cuter?)

In addition to baby clothes (which started shortly after I announced was pregnant) Caroline has been handing down gear (like a tub and a bumpo seat) in addition to diapers! Caroline’s little girl (H) is growing like a weed and has outgrown diaper sizes faster than her mom and dad can strap them onto her little bum. So I have multiple packages in multiple sizes of Pampers Swaddlers – which is apparently what EVERYBODY uses.

I am so lucky to have these ladies with such fresh experience (not only of babies, but of actually BEING pregnant!) available to me and so willing to share in their knowledge. Plus, it’s really, really great to be able to chat with them both about baby stuff and have an understanding ear. They know what it’s like to have this overwhelming amount of information and questions and AWE at what’s happening to you – and the NEED to talk about it to someone who won’t run screaming after 30 seconds.

That’s not to say that I’m not grateful for the advice and responses I get here on this blog, either! While Caroline and Kelly both post here, so do Kim, Kym, Kristy, April and so many other friends who have provided insight and support. I really do appreciate each and every one of you who come here and take the time to read my blatherings, let alone respond to them. I need to get better about responding directly to responses, but please know that the comments we get here do mean the world to Paul and I, to know that so many people are already involved in our son’s life.

I have landed on my least favorite part of being pregnant. Yeah, I know I’m only half-way and things are gonna get more interesting here with a quickness. But I’m gonna hold firm on this one. My least favorite part of being pregnant: the dreams.

Apparently this is yet another magical Progesterone thing. Makes ya have crazy-go-nuts, insane, psychedelic dreams. I tend toward vivid dreams/nightmares/night terrors anyway, but nothing like this. (There’s a reason Paul double-checks the locks every night, cuz I haven’t yet been able to figure out how to undo both deadbolts when I’m still asleep.)

These dreams are incredibly realistic and detailed. Nevermind that the giraffe that’s serving me a decaf latte has purple spots and a British accent. The detail on the color and the texture of the hair on those purple spots – not to mention how good the coffee smells.

But the dreams are terribly involved – like the most complex Law & Order ever. And because I wake up several times a night to pee, I have several distinct dreams a night. I wake up mentally exhausted from dreaming. I don’t feel like I’m really getting any rest cuz my brain is working so hard overnight, every night.

And then there’s the nightmares. Dead bodies that I’m trying to hide in a grocery store. Having our home surrounded by wolves and other monsters that keep breaking windows and finding a way in, trying to kill our pets and lunging at my belly. Being chased by evil, psychotic comic book characters while I frantically try to complete a scavenger hunt that will make them stop their pursuit of me. Trying to save myself and my family from a raging flood in my grandmother’s old trailer park. A swarm of gnats surrounding me and flying in my mouth as I screamed. (These were all within the last week, by the way.)

Last night was the worst though. I’ve only dreamed about the baby twice. First time was what told me I was having a boy. Yes, there were problems with him, but they weren’t terribly concerning. I knew he was OK. Last night was just losing the baby. The baby died inside me. I was so upset and angry in my dream, poking my belly, pleading with the baby to move and prove he was still alive. Wandering the streets, pleading with anyone I saw to explain why God would give us this baby after 10 years to just take it away. Screaming in anguish until no sound would come out anymore. I woke up with a sore throat, sobbing. (I ended up getting up for an hour and having cereal in the hopes that he’d wake up and make himself known.)

The other disturbing dream last night was about my mom who died in in 1998. Oin and I were with her, and somehow she died. But no one else knew, and if we didn’t say anything, she would appear to still be alive to them for about a week. She wouldn’t appear directly to us, but we could see her interacting with other people. Part of me in the dream knew she had already died a long time ago, but the rest of me was just trying to deal with the grief and anger and astonishment all over again.

Actually, my mom was in the dream where I lost the baby too. She was the one who confirmed that yes, my baby had died. She was pregnant too.

I don’t dream about my mom like that usually. If I dream about her at all, it’s usually from the time before I moved out when I was 19. And it’s always just normal day-to-day inconsequential stuff. She’s just another person in my dream, not OMG-my-mom-who-died.

Every time I woke up last night I looked at the clock and tried to figure out if I could just stay up the rest of the night so that I wouldn’t have any more dreams. I’m tired right now, but I’m dreading going to bed.

Yeah. This is my least favorite part of being pregnant.

Most common question I’m asked these days is “How are you feeling?” So I figured I’d update, since there’s nothing major to talk about really.

I’m feeling pretty good. I’m not sure where this whole “Holy crap, you’ll feel freaking fantastic and have all the energy in the world!!!1!1!” myth came from; but I do feel better than I did in my first trimester. I’m don’t feel like I’m walking through waist-deep water all the time, so that’s a vast improvement.

I’m getting bigger, of this there is no doubt. My waist is disappearing more and more every day. I’m positive that I’m gonna lose my belly button before this is all over. I’m finding it hard to squeeze between things I used to be able to pass with no problems. (Like between the dresser and the bed on Paul’s side of the bed.) I’m mostly OK with it all – just have to remind myself occasionally that I’m pregnant, not fat. (well, not fatter than I was already… ha!) I’m pretty sure that my internal organs are getting shoved up higher though, which is making me get winded a little easier than before.

My maternity wardrobe is holding steady. Some tops are getting too tight to wear fashionably, but I’ve got others that are still fine. I’m terribly grateful that no one at work really cares about what I wear. I’m in yoga pants nearly every day now. I miss my jeans.

My ankles and feet are swelling pretty much every day, but most mornings I wake up with non-swollen ankles and feet, so I’m not terribly concerned. I wear Crocs shoes every day, so the swelling hasn’t affected my footwear yet. I come home in the evenings and put my feet up, literally. The degree to which I’m swollen seems directly proportional to the activity level of my day – the busier the day and/or the longer I was on my feet, the worse the swelling is. But the swelling isn’t limited to my lower extremities. My wrists are pretty swollen too. I’ve definitely got some pregnancy-induced carpal tunnel going on. Numbness and tingling in the hands is pretty common now. So that’s annoying, but I have faith that it will go away once I pop the little man out.

I’m not bending over much anymore. It’s just not comfortable, and the kid kicks me when I do it, so I don’t think he likes it either. If you wanna know what it feels like, take a large honeydew melon and hold it tight on your gut, just at your belly button. Now, bend over at the waist. Yep. There you go.

Um, I feel like I’m back in high school in regards to my face. Oil slick city, man. Hair too. I had to switch shampoo/conditioner because everything I had was to combat the dryness out here in the desert. I’m now using a daily clarifying shampoo and an uuber-light conditioner. And I gotta say, my hair is looking pretty awesome. It’s growing pretty fast, which is making Paul happy. (Granted, I know it’s gonna fall out after I have the kid, but I try not to think about that.)

The little man is a flip-flopping, kicking, tap-dancing machine. I swear, sometimes it feels like he’s trying to tap-dance his way out already. But it’s cool to feel him regardless. I don’t have his cycles down yet, but it’s noticeable when he wakes up, that’s for sure. I can’t wait for Paul to be able to feel it.

My labs are all great. My A1c had dropped to 6.0 at my last appointment, and my blood pressure has settled down into 130′s over 80′s which is really much better than it was. My blood sugars are in a happy-making range for Dr. Schwartz, and I haven’t had a med adjustment in over 6 weeks. I’m still on 3-week appointments, but I know that’s gonna end eventually – by my last month I’ll be on twice-a-week appointments for non-stress tests.

I guess that’s about it. The state of the Sarah (and little man.) Did I miss anything?

I am astounded at how much this little guy moves! It’s incredible that a week ago I still wasn’t feeling anything, and now I feel him seemingly all the time!

Last night it was actually hard to get to sleep because he was flipping and flopping and kicking (I presume) so much. I can’t really tell what is what yet, from a punch to a kick to a headbutt. It’s an odd feeling though, that’s for sure. A friend commented months ago that it’s nauseating, and she’s right. It feels like a gurgly, upset stomach. So when he decides to start moving and grooving when I’m trying to eat… it’s um… fun.

I feel more connected to him now, that’s for sure. I think Paul does too, since I tell him what I’m feeling and when the baby kicks. We were laughing about it last night in bed, cuz he was really pummeling me something good. (The books and whatnot say that when mom lays down, the swaying of regular movement stops and the wee one will wake up a bit.)

He’s kicked me directly below my belly button like a dozen times while I’ve been writing this. :)

So this week has been kinda a rough week, with Paul’s job going bust and all. (It was a hellish 2 weeks, actually.) Combined with our slight annoyance/disappointment that we didn’t get confirmation of the baby’s sex at this week’s appointment; and well…. we were looking for a happy.

I was looking into 3D ultrasound places here in Las Vegas and found one with great rates AND a coupon! They were able to get us in this morning at 10:30 for a basic package of 2D and 3D images and a guaranteed gender confirmation. (Seriously, if they can’t tell 100% for sure you get to come back for free and if they’re wrong you get your money back or another free 4D session. We were pretty stoked about our chances of finding out with policies like that!)

So this morning our friends Sibyana and Cheri met us at Miracle in Progress (it was like 5 minutes from their house – on the other side of the valley for us) and we had ourselves a little viewing party! The tech was really great – more gentle than the nurses at Dr. Schwartz’s office to tell the truth. She ended up working with us for 30 minutes instead of the 15 minutes our session was supposed to be. She wasn’t able to really do any of the 3D or 4D stuff because of the placement of the baby in relation to the placenta. The baby was laying *on* the placenta, using it for a pillow. But she kept trying and trying to get the baby to turn and “look” at her so she could get some 3D images.

So even though we only got one 3D image, we’re still stoked because we got the one thing we came for:

It’s a boy for sure. I commented on the ‘tiny wang’ and the tech replied that it wasn’t small at all. Paul, ever the proud Papa, was beaming as we all collapsed into giggles.

We got a great view of our son as he waved his arms, yawned, gulped amniotic fluid, kicked, and wiggled. It was the first time that I’ve watched him moving around and was able to feel some of it. SO COOL.

So we have a DVD of the whole 28 minute session, and a CD with some pictures. I’ve culled the best of the pictures and put them in a gallery. I label one picture and then place the original behind it in the gallery so you can flip back and forth to see what’s what. For most of the session, the baby kept his back to us, so that’s why some of the best shots don’t have his face in them. (We’re gonna see about editing down the DVD of the ultrasound and posting some of that. A lot of it is kinda boring, but some of it is amazing – like watching him yawn right at us.)

Afterwards, we had brunch with Sibyana and Cheri, and then Paul let me hit the nearby Target to add blue things to the registry. :)

But yep. We’re having a Boy. And no, we have no idea for names yet at all.

So, as of Friday we are a one-income family. An extraordinary set of circumstances came together to deprive Paul of his job. He’s in the process of fighting the (wrongful) termination, but we don’t have much hope in the prospects. Neither do we have much hope as of yet that unemployment will be forthcoming.

Prayers would be appreciated.

In the meantime, we are fleshing out the details to continue medical coverage for us – either through COBRA or through my employer. I can’t get on with my employer until April 1, so COBRA will probably be needed for this month at least, no matter how expensive it is. I have another appointment on March 24th.

If unemployment isn’t contested, we’ll be OK if we keep an insanely strict budget. If it is contested by Paul’s former employer, life is gonna get un-fun with a quickness. Paul is looking for jobs (and has been since this whole episode began two weeks ago) but with unemployment at 13% in this county, open jobs of any kind are thin on the ground.

We’re trying to see the silver lining in all of this. Paul has been able to use this time off to work in the office to turn it into a nursery, which is a really crappy task of dismantling and unloading our office/junk room. He’s making progress, but there’s still a week’s worth of work to do in there before painting can begin. He’ll be able to attend his Grandmother’s memorial service in Orange County next month. He’ll be able to attend all the upcoming childbirth/childcare classes that I need to get a move on scheduling. He’ll be able to attend the baby shower. (All of these last things were going to be HUGE fights to get with his old employer – even with a bunch of paid leave saved up and FMLA for the baby-related stuff.) So there is a silver lining to this. And if it comes to it, the baby won’t go to daycare if Paul is still at home.

But prayers for job openings and unencumbered unemployment processes would be appreciated.

I felt the baby kick this evening!! I was hunched over my laptop – trying to read the screen without my glasses on, and I felt a [something] from inside. Well, they’re right – it would be pretty easy to dismiss it as a gas bubble if I wasn’t looking for it. So I stayed in the same position, and a few seconds later I felt it again in nearly the same spot. A few seconds after that, there was a quick succession of three kicks.

And now at just after midnight as I type this… baby is kicking me again.

I am so happy.

Great appointment today. Confirmed something important about our baby: it’s a little punk. Misty (Dr. Schwartz’s nurse) spent a good 15 minutes trying to coerce the little critter to show us the goods. We were looking up at it’s bum, like we were under the invisible little chair it was sitting on. But the baby just wasn’t about to open it’s legs and confirm what we thought we saw. The baby was flip flopping and bouncing around (maybe because of the two sips of OJ I had right before the ultrasound) but not about to show us what we wanted to see. DANGIT. Next time… (Misty and I both thought we saw something, but she wasn’t confident enough to call it.) It continues to seem odd to me to see the baby doing crazy acrobatics and I still can’t feel ANYTHING. Hopefully soon.

Dr. Schwartz was great about answering questions today, having been prepped by my e-mail last week. We covered a lot of things today:

• I only gained half a pound!! Holy cats! I was totally shocked. I was honestly expecting a gain of 4-6 pounds because my clothes are totally fitting different (way tighter) and well…. I’ve been eating more than I ever have cuz I’m starving all the time!! Dr. Schwartz was happy to see the small gain, but cautioned me that I need to make sure that I actually am eating enough since the baby does need a fair amount of nutrition for all the growth it’s doing these days. He totally gets that my brainmeats are making it hard for me to eat as much as I apparently need to. At my next appointment he’ll be checking to make sure that the baby is growing and gaining weight as expected. But he was supportive (as always) that I must be doing things pretty well as far as nutrition and calories because my blood sugars are consistently improving, and my a1c results (like a 3-month diabetes report card) were down to 6.0 (from 6.5 and 6.3 the last two times it was checked.)
• Speaking of proper nutrition, my Muscle Milks are TOTALLY FINE. Contrary to what the morons at GNC and Vitamin World yelled at me last week, there’s NOTHING of concern whatsoever for pregnant women to have protein shakes. The L-Arginine in the shakes (as a form of protein) is also found in most nuts. L-Arginine has been found to help with placental growth retardation, as well as preeclampsia: both of which I’m at risk for! (The lady at GNC was yelling at me that I was going to have a GIGANTIC, over-grown baby because of drinking protein shakes, and that my doctor was stupid for allowing them. Dr. Schwartz asked which GNC it was cuz he wants to have a word with them.) So I can happily keep drinking my yummy High-protein, Low-carb, vitamin-rich shakes. Hooray!!
• The swelling in my ankles/feet is nothing to worry about yet. Dr. Schwartz thinks I’m just prone to swelling. (I’m getting a fair amount of swelling in my wrists too.) He encouraged me to continue to keep my feet up as often as possible. He agreed that striving for good hydration is a good idea, but that it won’t help this kind of swelling as much as it does for regular hot-weather swelling. He cautioned that it’s not gonna be fun towards the end of my pregnancy when it’s hot, cuz then I’ll have both types of swelling working together. Oy. (Oh, and apparently a restless legs / ants under the skin feeling in the evenings is normal too. Wheeeee.)
• He also commented that towards the end of my pregnancy, he expects to see me twice a week for nonstress tests and whatnot. So I’m gonna have to work something out with him for scheduling, and work something out at work so that I burn as little of my paid leave as possible. (Maybe I can just not take a lunch EVER AGAIN.) I’m really concerned about my maternity leave. I’m taking as little leave as possible for my appointments, but any leave I take comes directly out of what I’ll be able to take when the baby is born. I have to take 8 weeks off because the daycare won’t take infants under 8 weeks – but there’s no way I’ll have that much paid leave saved up – especially if my appointments move to once a week or more. Unfortunately, we need both our salaries – so I’m not sure what we’re gonna do for several weeks that I’m gonna have to take off unpaid. I guess that’s what credit cards are for, right?
• So, because I’m doing so well (blood pressure was lowest it’s ever been, blood sugars are consistently lower, weight gain is very small) I’m cleared for another 3 week appointment. No changes to my insulin or blood pressure meds for the 2nd appointment in a row! So I’m set for Wednesday March 24th at 3:00pm. (Dr. Schwartz is taking me as his last appt from now on so I can burn as little paid leave as possible – he just has to leave by 4:00 to catch his flight home.) Edit: I changed my appointment to the first of the day at 8:00am, because I actually lose less work time by going in the morning. Those first-thing appointments go fast tho, so I can’t always get them. There will be a full ultrasound at the next appointment to check growth and (hopefully) confirm sex for us.
4 Comments | Tags: changes in me, clothes, development, Doctor Appts, testing, Ultrasounds

Wow, my last post seemed kinda whingy. Don’t mean to be. All in all I’m really enjoying this pregnancy thing. Just wish certain aspects of it would hurry up and get here.

We made progress on the nursery this weekend. Guest room too, actually. The biggest part of both of those jobs is clearing out both the rooms. The guest room currently holds about 80% of all the clothing we own in baskets. So sorting through it is really quite a task, either folded into a dresser, hung up or put in the goodwill pile. This weekend we got through more than a third of it (and did a ton of laundry!) Paul brought baskets to me on the bed and I folded and sorted. It was amazing to see that if I stay in bed all day, my ankles don’t swell at all! hahahahaha

Paul is working in the office to clear out the stuff in there. Mostly it involves unloading shelves into boxes and hefting the boxes out to the garage. Not something I can really help much with. But he’s making good progress on what is honestly a crappy job.

But once the office/nursery is cleared out, we can PAINT! And speaking of paint, we finally picked colors! We’ll be using two colors, but not sure how. Probably whole walls of color, not top & bottom or something.

Honey Beige	Mother Nature

Feels good to have that sorted out now. (Oh, and we’re going to just repaint all the baseboards white before all the carpet goes in.) I’ll get the paint in the next week or two. We need to have the painting done before the carpet goes in, and I want the carpet in by April. (So local friends reading this: we’re gonna be asking for help in the next few weeks!)

Also, since Paul cleared out the closet in the nursery I could put some of the baby stuff we’ve accumulated in there. Yesterday I bought two packages of baby hangers. They’re neon pink, but whatever. It was so nifty to hang up all the little outfits and sleepers I’ve bought, and the stuff that Caroline at work has gifted me. Hanging up the little outfits made me even happier than buying them. I never thought I’d be hanging baby clothes up in my house. It’s been real for me for a long while now, but it’s stuff like this that makes it exciting. I can hardly believe that in just over four months there will be a little baby for me to dress in these dinosaur sleepers.

I can’t wait.