Author Archives: Sarah

General Update (25w)

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It occurs to me that I should update, but there doesn’t seem to be a whole lot going on. Three weeks between appointments means there’s a slow-down in news, and right now things are mostly at a status quo. Almost boring – at least in comparison to earlier times when so much was happening.

The little man kicks like a fiend. Doesn’t hurt at all, but I’ve had a couple of jabs that have stopped me mid-thought or mid-sentence to look down at my belly. I’m positive that if I didn’t have all my extra padding that Paul would be able to feel stuff now. I don’t have his ‘schedule’ down yet – dunno if he actually has one. Some nights he’s up and bouncing when I lay down in bed, other nights I’m pretty sure he’s gone to bed before me! He’s rarely awake when I get up in the morning – takes after his Mama for sleeping in. I feel him at random times during the day. I’m a little sad to say it’s become commonplace now. It’s still nifty as heck, but I don’t sit in awe of my belly all day.

Speaking of my belly: wow. Getting big. I’m really seeing some growth there. My shirts are all starting to get tight, and even co-workers are noticing (and commenting) that I’m growing. I’m torn between freaking out about any gain in size, and being happy that my belly is getting noticeably bigger. Paul’s mom swears (after examining me in my maternity swimsuit) that I’ve lost inches in other places, but I can’t tell. I’m just impressed that my uterus is so noticeable now. It’s between my belly button and sternum, and I can totally feel it’s soccer ball size and hardness. I just might actually *look* pregnant at some point in all of this. I’m feeling kicks up higher too, which is kinda nifty – I can tell the little guy is getting bigger just by how far he can stretch!

Fashion be damned: I’m currently wearing black yoga pants, a green/brown/black/cream tunic and Men’s size 12 lilac Croc shoes. I have a pair in gold too, but they’re a size 11 and if it’s a busy day they’re too tight by the evening. (Hey, you take what you can get at the Outlet. I was looking for size, not style.) The swelling on my feet and ankles continues – and isn’t going down as much overnight as it used to. Dr. Schwartz still is OK with it – and assures me that it’s normal. My hands and face aren’t swelling at all – so that’s the checksum of this whole thing. Pre-eclampsia is marked by rapid swelling of the face and/or hands or extreme swelling of the legs (usually with one being far worse than the other.) Granted, some nights I question what ‘extreme’ swelling actually looks like. But I comfort myself with the knowledge that my 9-5 job at a desk all day is just about the worst thing I could do if trying to prevent swelling, so at least I know part of what’s contributing to it. We’re all on guard for other symptoms, but for now I’m just ugly from the shins down. Thus, I have embraced the Clown Shoes (that are 3 sizes larger than I normally wear…)

Progress in the nursery is moving slowly. We’re almost to where we can paint. I’m hoping to have the carpet installed towards the end of April. It’s gotta be in the couple of weeks before the shower so we have time to put the house back together before everyone is here. But since we don’t have to have the install on a weekend anymore, that opens up the schedule some. Paul is making good progress on several projects at home, so I can’t complain. (Especially since there isn’t a whole lot I can do to help him with most of it!)

I’m INCREDIBLY looking forward to the Baby Shower. It’s going to be a great weekend of friends and family – lots of whom are coming in from California (and Arizona!) I can’t wait to see Oin & Cynthia, Sean & Kristy, and of course Lisa & Mike! (Also: cake. I’m really looking forward to cake.) I’m very glad that Paul will be at the shower, as will several guy friends. I’ve struggled for this entire pregnancy to find ways to include Paul, and this shower is certainly a big one! It’s his baby too, no reason why he shouldn’t get to participate in the celebration of his kid!

I have to say though, when I really get to thinking about it, I’m just overwhelmed that it’s happening at all. It’s easy for me to get caught up in the day-to-day of being pregnant, and forget sometimes just how amazing this all is. Paul and I had absolutely given up hope that we were going to have kids. I worked hard for years to get myself to a place where I was OK with that. (Sean & Kristy can attest to many conversations exploring God’s plans and how they’re frequently hard to understand…) But looking at the little teddy bear-shaped invitation with our names on it, or looking at the registry we’ve built for our son, or even just typing those words “our son” chokes me up. This is really happening. It’s awesome and incredible and scary as hell all at the same time. And I am so so so incredibly happy that Paul and I are in this together. I can’t wait to see Paul’s son in his arms. And no matter how our situation may be right now, I’m confident that we’re going to be just fine, and a happy little family.

And speaking of the little family, here we are last weekend after the Jefferson Jackson Democratic Party dinner, where Al Gore was keynote speaker.

Late March, 2010 - 6months

Appointment Update (23w6d)

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Boring appointment with my little jerk. :)

He refuses to cooperate with the nurses to give a decent ultrasound. They wanted to take more measurements today, but he wasn’t having any of it. They were finally able to check out his heart, but not as thoroughly as they’d like to. He just will.not.move into a position that gives them what they need. He likes to hide directly under *my* belly button. But our little guy is looking good, and is measuring only like 2 days ahead at this point – so that’s fantastic. He’s weighing in at 1lb 4oz. (Dr. Schwartz says his growth probably slowed down a touch because we have an even tighter grip on my blood sugars now.)

But my BP was good (for me) especially considering that I was in so much pain in my boobs this morning I was near tears. So a 138/84 was cause for celebration. (Dunno what the crazy breast pain is… but it’s tear-inducing. I was literally in tears on the drive over this morning. Heat seems to make it better, after a while. Dr. Schwartz says it’s basically normal, nothing can be done.)

I gained 6 pounds. So that’s two pounds a week since my last appointment where I was positive I’d gained 5 pounds and had only gained a half-pound; for 11 total in 24 weeks. I don’t know how I feel about that. Except that I’m saying at least one pound is in my swollen feet & ankles, and another pound in each of my boobs. Dr. Schwartz said not to be concerned about it when I emailed him this afternoon.

We talked about my swollen feet, ankles, and wrists. Dr. Schwartz checked the swelling (so glad I remembered to shave this morning) and pronounced that “Yes, you’re just one of those lucky ones who swells!” which isn’t great news, but sure beats “OMFG, you’re swelling to a crazy, worrisome extent!” He assures me that the carpal tunnel will go away once I pop this kid out.

We talked about my crazy dreams & nightmares. I have a really strong family history of depression, so I’m on the alert for PPD and am concerned that if my brainmeats are responding to pregnancy hormones in this way now, does that mean I’m more susceptible to PPD later? He doesn’t think this is a indicator, but he wants to keep a close eye on me and wants me to tell him if the timbre of my dreams changes to any darker than it is now. (For example, the corpses that I’m trying to hide of the people I’ve killed… I didn’t *see* myself kill them, I just know I did. If I start to actually see myself kill someone or want to kill someone…. Dr. Schwartz wants to know.) So I find it really reassuring that he’s taking this as seriously as I am. I’m willing to go on meds if he thinks it’s necessary, but for right now I just want my husband and OB on alert to help me be watching for changes.

Other than that, nothing to report. We got pics on a CD from the ultrasound, but I haven’t had a chance to look at them. Our little man looked at us several times, so I think we have a face shot or two.

Next appointment is in three weeks on April 14th, and then I’ll prolly go back to every 2 weeks. Non-stress tests will start between 32 and 34 weeks.

Giving Thanks for Girlfriends (23w4d)

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I have been terribly lucky to have a network of friends both IRL (in real life) and online to draw on for support and wisdom and reality checks during this crazy journey I’m on.

I’ve talked about my Fairytales girls before. They continue to be a source of immeasurable help and comfort to me – if for no other reason than I know there’s nothing I wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing with them after 11 years of friendship. I feel like I’ve got a gaggle of auntie-friends who have all been-there, done-that and have myriad points of view on any baby-related subject. They’ve done it all for baby-wearing, breast-feeding, pumping, co-sleeping, cloth-diapering, and every other non-crunchy-granola parenting task there is. Having a one-stop-shop for several opinions really is helpful as I try to figure out what I think and believe. I’m shocked to discover I have opinions on things I’ve never really thought about before. (Oh hey! I care about this!)

But then there’s Caroline and Kelly. Current and former co-workers, who also happen to be friends. They had their first babies (daughters) within two weeks of each other last October. Since that time, I have been blessed with their first-hand experiences of what works and what doesn’t – which differ from kid to kid, I’m seeing very clearly. They both have answered myriad emails about every subject you can think of since that little stick turned pink. I continue to pester them with “OMG, what about this?!?!?” stuff at all hours – although I hope I’ve been less bothersome as of late. And what’s great is that my middle-of-the-night emails aren’t middle of the night to Kelly who moved back to Philadelphia in January of 2008.

What I’ve really been blessed with recently though, is hand-me-downs. This month, Kelly sent two boxes (!) of clothes that her little one (K) has already outgrown. One box included a pair of overalls that still send me into paradoxical squeeing every time I see them. (Babies in overalls, does it get any cuter?)

In addition to baby clothes (which started shortly after I announced was pregnant) Caroline has been handing down gear (like a tub and a bumpo seat) in addition to diapers! Caroline’s little girl (H) is growing like a weed and has outgrown diaper sizes faster than her mom and dad can strap them onto her little bum. So I have multiple packages in multiple sizes of Pampers Swaddlers – which is apparently what EVERYBODY uses.

I am so lucky to have these ladies with such fresh experience (not only of babies, but of actually BEING pregnant!) available to me and so willing to share in their knowledge. Plus, it’s really, really great to be able to chat with them both about baby stuff and have an understanding ear. They know what it’s like to have this overwhelming amount of information and questions and AWE at what’s happening to you – and the NEED to talk about it to someone who won’t run screaming after 30 seconds.

That’s not to say that I’m not grateful for the advice and responses I get here on this blog, either! While Caroline and Kelly both post here, so do Kim, Kym, Kristy, April and so many other friends who have provided insight and support. I really do appreciate each and every one of you who come here and take the time to read my blatherings, let alone respond to them. I need to get better about responding directly to responses, but please know that the comments we get here do mean the world to Paul and I, to know that so many people are already involved in our son’s life.

Perchance to Dream? (23w)

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I have landed on my least favorite part of being pregnant. Yeah, I know I’m only half-way and things are gonna get more interesting here with a quickness. But I’m gonna hold firm on this one. My least favorite part of being pregnant: the dreams.

Apparently this is yet another magical Progesterone thing. Makes ya have crazy-go-nuts, insane, psychedelic dreams. I tend toward vivid dreams/nightmares/night terrors anyway, but nothing like this. (There’s a reason Paul double-checks the locks every night, cuz I haven’t yet been able to figure out how to undo both deadbolts when I’m still asleep.)

These dreams are incredibly realistic and detailed. Nevermind that the giraffe that’s serving me a decaf latte has purple spots and a British accent. The detail on the color and the texture of the hair on those purple spots – not to mention how good the coffee smells.

But the dreams are terribly involved – like the most complex Law & Order ever. And because I wake up several times a night to pee, I have several distinct dreams a night. I wake up mentally exhausted from dreaming. I don’t feel like I’m really getting any rest cuz my brain is working so hard overnight, every night.

And then there’s the nightmares. Dead bodies that I’m trying to hide in a grocery store. Having our home surrounded by wolves and other monsters that keep breaking windows and finding a way in, trying to kill our pets and lunging at my belly. Being chased by evil, psychotic comic book characters while I frantically try to complete a scavenger hunt that will make them stop their pursuit of me. Trying to save myself and my family from a raging flood in my grandmother’s old trailer park. A swarm of gnats surrounding me and flying in my mouth as I screamed. (These were all within the last week, by the way.)

Last night was the worst though. I’ve only dreamed about the baby twice. First time was what told me I was having a boy. Yes, there were problems with him, but they weren’t terribly concerning. I knew he was OK. Last night was just losing the baby. The baby died inside me. I was so upset and angry in my dream, poking my belly, pleading with the baby to move and prove he was still alive. Wandering the streets, pleading with anyone I saw to explain why God would give us this baby after 10 years to just take it away. Screaming in anguish until no sound would come out anymore. I woke up with a sore throat, sobbing. (I ended up getting up for an hour and having cereal in the hopes that he’d wake up and make himself known.)

The other disturbing dream last night was about my mom who died in in 1998. Oin and I were with her, and somehow she died. But no one else knew, and if we didn’t say anything, she would appear to still be alive to them for about a week. She wouldn’t appear directly to us, but we could see her interacting with other people. Part of me in the dream knew she had already died a long time ago, but the rest of me was just trying to deal with the grief and anger and astonishment all over again.

Actually, my mom was in the dream where I lost the baby too. She was the one who confirmed that yes, my baby had died. She was pregnant too.

I don’t dream about my mom like that usually. If I dream about her at all, it’s usually from the time before I moved out when I was 19. And it’s always just normal day-to-day inconsequential stuff. She’s just another person in my dream, not OMG-my-mom-who-died.

Every time I woke up last night I looked at the clock and tried to figure out if I could just stay up the rest of the night so that I wouldn’t have any more dreams. I’m tired right now, but I’m dreading going to bed.

Yeah. This is my least favorite part of being pregnant.

General update (22w3d)

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Most common question I’m asked these days is “How are you feeling?” So I figured I’d update, since there’s nothing major to talk about really.

I’m feeling pretty good. I’m not sure where this whole “Holy crap, you’ll feel freaking fantastic and have all the energy in the world!!!1!1!” myth came from; but I do feel better than I did in my first trimester. I’m don’t feel like I’m walking through waist-deep water all the time, so that’s a vast improvement.

I’m getting bigger, of this there is no doubt. My waist is disappearing more and more every day. I’m positive that I’m gonna lose my belly button before this is all over. I’m finding it hard to squeeze between things I used to be able to pass with no problems. (Like between the dresser and the bed on Paul’s side of the bed.) I’m mostly OK with it all – just have to remind myself occasionally that I’m pregnant, not fat. (well, not fatter than I was already… ha!) I’m pretty sure that my internal organs are getting shoved up higher though, which is making me get winded a little easier than before.

My maternity wardrobe is holding steady. Some tops are getting too tight to wear fashionably, but I’ve got others that are still fine. I’m terribly grateful that no one at work really cares about what I wear. I’m in yoga pants nearly every day now. I miss my jeans.

My ankles and feet are swelling pretty much every day, but most mornings I wake up with non-swollen ankles and feet, so I’m not terribly concerned. I wear Crocs shoes every day, so the swelling hasn’t affected my footwear yet. I come home in the evenings and put my feet up, literally. The degree to which I’m swollen seems directly proportional to the activity level of my day – the busier the day and/or the longer I was on my feet, the worse the swelling is. But the swelling isn’t limited to my lower extremities. My wrists are pretty swollen too. I’ve definitely got some pregnancy-induced carpal tunnel going on. Numbness and tingling in the hands is pretty common now. So that’s annoying, but I have faith that it will go away once I pop the little man out.

I’m not bending over much anymore. It’s just not comfortable, and the kid kicks me when I do it, so I don’t think he likes it either. If you wanna know what it feels like, take a large honeydew melon and hold it tight on your gut, just at your belly button. Now, bend over at the waist. Yep. There you go.

Um, I feel like I’m back in high school in regards to my face. Oil slick city, man. Hair too. I had to switch shampoo/conditioner because everything I had was to combat the dryness out here in the desert. I’m now using a daily clarifying shampoo and an uuber-light conditioner. And I gotta say, my hair is looking pretty awesome. It’s growing pretty fast, which is making Paul happy. (Granted, I know it’s gonna fall out after I have the kid, but I try not to think about that.)

The little man is a flip-flopping, kicking, tap-dancing machine. I swear, sometimes it feels like he’s trying to tap-dance his way out already. But it’s cool to feel him regardless. I don’t have his cycles down yet, but it’s noticeable when he wakes up, that’s for sure. I can’t wait for Paul to be able to feel it.

My labs are all great. My A1c had dropped to 6.0 at my last appointment, and my blood pressure has settled down into 130’s over 80’s which is really much better than it was. My blood sugars are in a happy-making range for Dr. Schwartz, and I haven’t had a med adjustment in over 6 weeks. I’m still on 3-week appointments, but I know that’s gonna end eventually – by my last month I’ll be on twice-a-week appointments for non-stress tests.

I guess that’s about it. The state of the Sarah (and little man.) Did I miss anything?