Tag Archives: emotional hoo-ha

Pre-Eclampsia (33w4d)

Posted on by
9

We knew this was a possibility. Just didn’t think it would actually happen so dang fast. (But to put it in perspective, Dr. Schwartz expected to see symptoms of pre-eclampsia in me by 28 weeks or so. It usually shows up in non-hypertensive, non-diabetic, non-obese, non-thyroid-challenged women between 32-37 weeks. So the fact that I got to nearly 34 weeks with my medical history is astounding.)

Fetal Monitoring appointment today went well. Baby was head down (again) and cooperating with holding still for the monitor. It wasn’t strapped so tightly to me this time, so he wasn’t kicking at it. I actually fell asleep for a little bit while being monitored.

But when they took my blood pressure, things got a little scary. 157/110, up from 138/83 two weeks ago. (It was ~150/97 last week) And that’s with hella medication. The results of my 24-hour urine test came back in the mid 300’s, which indicates mild/moderate (as opposed to severe) pre-eclampsia.

None of this is a surprise. What Dr. Schwartz told us about at the beginning of this 3rd trimester is coming true. The hope is that the creeping up of my blood pressure stays slow/moderate, and that the protein count doesn’t skyrocket. More labs were taken today and the results will be in tomorrow – which will give a more exact look at what the situation is. I’m not showing many other symptoms – and especially none of the symptoms of HELLP syndrome. But I’m up 2 pounds this week, so that’s a tad worrisome.

If things are getting worse quickly, Dr. Schwartz will have to hospitalize me for more intensive monitoring (BP readings every 15 minutes, IV therapy, fetal monitoring, etc.) Nobody wants that – cuz it would stress me right the hell out. Being in the hospital (by definition, uncomfortable) wasting paid leave with no baby, strapped to a bed would just suck SO bad. And it’s possible that I could be monitored for up to a week before things reach a critical point where the baby has to come out. So that would be a TON of paid leave down the drain. If I’m allowed to be at home, at least I can still do *some* work, and Paul is here to keep a close eye on me. We live like 7 minutes from the hospital if that becomes necessary.

In preparation of the baby coming much sooner than anticipated, I got the first of two steroid shots today. (Supposedly they burn like crazy, but I didn’t feel it at all!) For those who know or care, I’m being given Betamethasone.

So here we are. I’ve been told I can’t go into the office any longer. Dr. Schwartz didn’t get into specifics right yet, but basically I need to be off my feet as much as humanly possible, with feet elevated. And most importantly, I need to be in a calm environment, away from stress. I need to go into the office tomorrow to collect some things and wrap up some stuff, but I’ll be leaving at noon for my 1:00pm appointment. I might go in for a couple hours on Friday too. Cuz seriously, I wasn’t ready to not be in the office quite yet.

Dr. Schwartz is back at home in Denver until Monday, so he’ll call me during my appointment tomorrow to go over my lab results and answer whatever questions we come up with by then. He’ll be back in the office for a 9-day stretch starting on Monday, so I have a strong suspicion that he’ll deliver me during that time, assuming I don’t need to be delivered this weekend for some reason.

As far as baby goes: he’s doing OK at this point as far as we can tell. He was 4 pounds exactly two weeks ago, so we’re assuming he’s somewhere between 4.5-5lbs right now. Our concern for delivering him soon is his lung maturity. The steroids they gave me today (and tomorrow) are designed to kick his lungs into high gear to make surfactant to make it easier for him to breathe. He’ll have to spend some time in the NICU when he comes, but we don’t know how long – could be 2-4 days, could be 2 weeks or more. No way to know until he gets here. If we make it to 36 weeks (doubtful) they can use amniocentesis to check the development of his lungs, but prior to 36 weeks, there isn’t much they can do to check. If he comes sooner than that, it will be because my body just can’t take being pregnant anymore.

We’ll have a better idea of where we stand after tomorrow’s appointment. I already have appointments for Monday, Wednesday and Friday next week for fetal monitoring. Here’s hoping I can keep those.

I still need to pack my hospital bag. I need to wash some baby clothes and put things away in drawers and in his closet. I need to go out and buy some preemie-sized clothing and onesies. It never occurred to us that we could have a preemie. We knew the pregnancy would almost assuredly have a bumpy ending, but having a preemie never occurred to us. I can’t believe I’m typing that word.

I don’t know how to deal with this, really. I’m a planner, and I can’t plan anything right now. I don’t know how things are going to go or what my options are anymore. I don’t know how nursing/pumping gets dealt with in a NICU situation. What do we do with ourselves when we can’t be at the NICU? Does it make me a terrible parent that I’m still worrying about getting to work during all of this? I’m vacillating between abject terror and a preternatural calm, both stemming the knowledge that I am in control of absolutely none of this. I’m going with the flow, because I don’t have any other choice. I’m doing my best to stay calm because stress really doesn’t help the situation. Prayers would be appreciated though. An update will happen as soon as possible after the appointment tomorrow afternoon.

Talking Me Down (32w2d)

Posted on by
Reply

When we decided to start this blog, it was with the intention of keeping friends and family informed about the pregnancy, to keep a record of this journey for ourselves, and to have a place for it all that wouldn’t force anyone to read it who didn’t want to.

I never thought it would become such a welcome source of support and advice.

Thanks for talking me down, everyone. I know last night I just got myself all wound up a little too tight about all the options for everything. I knew I was getting to a bad place when I started crying over whether my baby would fit better in Carter’s brand onesies (which seem to be rather slim-fitting) or Circo brand onesies from Target. I feel calmer today, am confident that I can make good choices and the rest can go hang. :)

For the record, I think we’re going to go with the Bright Starts InGenunity Automatic Bouncer for the little guy. A little more pricey than some, but I think it looks more secure and comfy than models that are $10 less.

Good Enough? (32w1d)

Posted on by
6

I’m beginning to stress a bit. The need to get everything bought and ready for when the baby gets here is getting a little overwhelming.

YES, I know that technically NOTHING has to be purchased and/or ready except a laundry basket and some towels for a makeshift bassinet. (And a properly-installed car seat.) But that answer doesn’t really cut it. It’s not like it’s going to be so much easier to go out and purchase stuff after the baby gets here. So please don’t tell me that I’m concerned for no reason.

I want to find the perfect bouncer and washcloths and diaper pad and wipes and wetbags and baby socks and onesies….. But there’s so many dang options for everything. I’m getting all wound up, and I know that this has to be pregnancy hormones talking – but it’s upsetting.

I just want to do right by my son. I have no way of knowing if he’ll hate a bouncer until we put him in it. Also, I would really love a clue as to how big he’ll be when he finally gets here because I don’t know what size onesies to buy him. (We’re totally set for rompers and outfits, but the undies part of the equation – the onesie – we’re seriously lacking in.)

Gah. How the hell do you ever know if you’re good enough?

Shower (31w1d)

Posted on by
5

I hardly have words to describe this weekend. Overwhelming, joyous, exhausting, and WONDERFUL.

Lisa, Tom and Jeanne knocked themselves out to prepare for the shower. Lisa came prepared with games that weren’t stupid or gross, and prizes to go with them! Her games got progressively harder – but they were fun! Tom and Jeanne outdid themselves with the food and decorating. Furniture was moved around, and anything that would hold still had a balloon strapped to it or was draped with streamers. “It’s a Boy” was everywhere, and in varying shades of blue. Tom had Tri-Tip out on the grill and Jeanne laid out quite a spread of accompaniments, cheese, and salads. Everyone seemed very impressed with the food – no burgers and dogs at this baby shower!

After a couple of rounds of games came the gifts – and WOW was there a lot of gifts! Our friends and family were so generous! I unwrapped gift after gift and opened bag after bag! What fun to see all the adorable little baby clothes, and all the nifty baby gear!

Lisa’s (and her sister Donna’s) gifts were especially wonderful, as they are both master knitters and crocheters (is that a word?) Our little man has quite a wardrobe of sweaters, hats and booties – as well as several stuffed friends (currently a stegosaurus, a tiny sperm whale, and a teddy bear!)

But Lisa outdid herself in one other way. A million years ago I told her that when I got pregnant (which I assumed wouldn’t be too long after Paul and I got married) that I wanted a stuffed Eyeore doll that was bigger than the baby – based on the assumption that we would have a Pooh-themed nursery. Well, things didn’t work out quite the way we had hoped – and the years have rolled on by without an Eyeore. I won’t say I’d forgotten about it – but it’s one of those things that just got (foreceully) pushed aside over the years. Until yesterday. Lisa pushed the final box in front of me, and I had no idea what was coming. The last thing I was expecting to see was an 18″ Eyeore staring back at me. The gifts portion of the program ended with happy tears. I don’t think there was a dry eye in the house.

All in all, it was a wonderful day filled with friends, family, food and fun. (good lord, that sounds corny.) We sat around talking and laughing until 6:30 before loading up our car, Lisa & Mike’s car and sending the car seat home with Joe. The front room and the baby’s room are now filled with random packages and bags. I have a lot to sort through, but not much to return – as there were just a few duplicates (altho the Pack & Play is one…) I’m actually looking forward to writing the Thank You cards. We have so much to be thankful for right now.

It was an amazing weekend. I can’t believe we’re at this point – I remember thinking that the shower was SO far away when I first got pregnant.

Pics tomorrow. Sleep now.

SO much, and SO little! (30w2d)

Posted on by
1

There is so much I wanna write about, but holy cats am I tired.

  • Mother’s Day was great, once Paul and I got done killing ourselves to put the house together. We’re almost done, which is good cuz we’ll have guests this weekend! We had Paul’s parents and Nonny over for a great dinner.
  • Mother’s Day wishes were appreciated, but weirded me out kinda a lot. I do not see myself as a mom yet, and it seems like asking for trouble to take something like that for granted with as high-risk as I am.
  • The house looks fantastic. The Guest Room/Office is stellar. The baby’s room is amazing. My bedroom is incredible. The house seems more open with the slight shifting of furniture, and the removal of a ton of clutter. We’re about 90% put back – gotta refill the bookcases and such. Paul’s parents have been MONUMENTALLY helpful in helping us get our house put back together.
  • My work shower is Thursday and my family/friends shower is Saturday. Paul and I CANNOT WAIT to see our friends and family this weekend. We’re literally giddy at the thought of seeing our friends.
  • We’re having an open house of sorts right before the shower (until we head over to Tom & Jeanne’s place) so anyone who wants to see the house and nursery can stop by.
  • School finishes for me this week, and I am so happy. One less non-baby thing I have to focus on right now is so appreciated.
  • Foot swelling is still epic. A pedicure didn’t help the swelling, but I feel so much better for getting it.
  • Belly pains are increasing. I can’t be up on my feet for very long before they kick in. Not cramping or contractions – just a dull constant pain across what would be my bikini line if I’d ever worn a bikini.
  • I ordered our cloth diapers. Ended up going with a different style that hopefully will eliminate the need for disposables all together. We’ll be starting out with prefolds and covers – which is the modern version of what Paul and I were in as babies. We’re planning on still getting some of the Pocket style diapers too, but not for at least a month or two.

Ok, really. That’s all I’ve got right now cuz I’m falling asleep sitting up.